I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
