Just cropdusted the office
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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