i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
