THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
