Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
