Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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