I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
