PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
