mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
