you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
