Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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