I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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