Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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