i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I see more hoeing in ur future
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
