i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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