she was so not down for the gang bang
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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