So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize