I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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