Cold hands, warm shart.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
