did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
