well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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