Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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