Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
