No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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