I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
