Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
