note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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