I'm really into asian looking animals
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Okay so I just had a really great idea