God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
