every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
