I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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