So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
