Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
