i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Randomize
