here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
