I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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