She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
