She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
