Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
