Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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