On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
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I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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