I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
