I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
