He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
