It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
