ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
