I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
