She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
