shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
