Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
