TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
