I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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