I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
