Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
