I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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