i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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