remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
