Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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