I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
