can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
FUCK WHALES
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