Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
