i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
