SEEEEXXX PLEASE
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
