i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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