I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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