Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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