my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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