I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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