Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
