So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
did i just pee glitter
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
