I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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