I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
this hospital has no fireball
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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