We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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