You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Say something about gay babies.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
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Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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