i jhust puked up my retainher.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
