Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
